Thursday, September 24, 2009

That's right, Dr Jekyll!


That's all folks

Good Night
SiYuan at 12:20 AM

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Irony isnt' it, the title. How can fecal matter, filled with e.coli and all undigested fibres, bacteria and basically everything you don't want and need be valuable? Here's how it is, value is relative. It's "intangible" in a sense, and basically like most other things is only there because you place it there. Regardless, let's go into details, and break this shit down.

In a school or college of thousands, no doubt you'll have a variety and diversity of different creatures, and in a certain way, most of them, though with different physical emblems and features, more or less behave in the same pattern expected of them. Then, you'll have the bad-ass. The kid which is so much of an anomaly that he/she shouldnt' be allowed existence rights in there. And theoretically, that kid should be of the least value, after all everyone's striving to live up to society's rigid standards on "who's who". That, realistically, isn't the case. By the end of the term, it'll be blatant who's laying 80% of the hens while who's at home jerking off to japanese hentai. (octopus, joel?)

You see, subconsciously, our minds place superior value to that kid, because in a way he/she possesses traits we would like to have, and the fact that he/she's his/her own man. You wont' find another person like them, much like there wouldnt be a Dillinger MKII. And none of their behaviors fall under any range known to normal, grass-eating folks. We place value on things which we want, things which others want, and things we know are few.

So, if ever you get the idea that, you are worthless and a vile cumstain on the sofa which managed to find it's way into the canal of hope, giving birth to an alien form, stop. Because like dinosaur dump, which is worth quite a bit right now actually, you are valuable, a nimbus of riches and gold if you allow yourself to. Because really, your life revolves around obsession about what others think about you. When you’re 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you. When you’re 40 you learn not to worry what others think. When you’re 60 you recognize that nobody’s been thinking about you at all. They’re worrying about themselves. So break the pattern, stop wasting time.


Never, let your value be anchored to others' shifty sands, instead anchor it to the core, yourself. Stop behaving what others want you to do, stop thinking what the society wants you to think. Heck, fuck Fight Club too. Sure, "You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else." And that's only because you let yourself be dictated to be. So stop fucking around, because by the time you get the epiphany that I have, you'd be 65.


Waiting for some black text? Sly diggers. LFRN, ma cherie.





That's all folks

Good Night.
SiYuan at 6:14 PM

Monday, September 14, 2009

My friend, you were so right. I will learn to not doubt you so much again. 7 years is a lifetime.


That's all folks

Good Afternoon
SiYuan at 2:53 PM

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them. The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior. Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with? Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can. The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy. How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous. What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you. Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

That's very close. Life partner? Not so.




That's all folks


Morning jive

SiYuan at 1:18 PM

And tomorrow, we start anew.

That's all folks

Good Night

C:Simple enough eh
SiYuan at 2:37 AM

Friday, September 11, 2009

                                                                Hugh Hefner is the man.

I mean seriously, at 83 and popping blue pills till your heart drops, this man keeps on going, younger every day. Look at that smirk on his wily face.

Alright besides that, yeah my friend you were very right and spot-on with your predictions. It makes me stop and ponder, the fuck am I doing. Always remember, deep-seated rock in a torrential rain. Unmovable, unstoppable, but shaping. Great days behind, fantastic ones ahead, that's what life's about? Then again, it is only a few days, who knows? I think innocuously hiding somewhere in everyone, is the desire to be loved. That I think you cannot refute, no matter how much of a conquistador you are, forgive me for the mushy-mashy but you got and will return to it. But hey, you've got years on me, maybe you're right. We're not the sort to leave things to fate or unpredictable random occurences, so I'm definitely not going to be waiting on my armchair and lay back. I'll show you how, and why you're wrong. Of course with the help of my little friend.

Are you wondering why you can't read this? That's because Blogger doesnt have a lock function. I want to give you and me a chance. Don't disappoint.


That's all folks

Good Night!
SiYuan at 5:43 PM

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Let's see what it means first,

in the first sense above often arises from psychological trauma and is a component in many anxiety and stress disorders. The person, while physically present, moves elsewhere in the mind, and in a sense is "not entirely present", making them sometimes be seen as preoccupied or distracted. In other cases, the person may seem fully present but operate merely intellectually when emotional connection would be appropriate. 

It is probably one of the oddest peeves I have actually. While it doesn't point towards Bateman-esque psycho-ness. The ability to actually, remove myself from the situation and arrive at my inner-zen, even when it's uncalled for. It's like my mind knows what's good and what's bad for me, and chooses to remove attachment towards things that may potentially and realistically according to the mind, give me pain. Or that's what is stated there.

I may have an evolutionized case of such behavior, I actually, can't feel pain, or any feelings towards it. It's as if I may really be a Martian, I just dont care? I try hard you see, very hard, to invoke and stimulate, or even imagine what I should really be feeling at the moment. But really, what I feel is what I get, and it's like a camera zooming out, the more it happens the more I zoom out, unfocused, until it's just one big pixel left. Perhaps that's why I'd really want you to stop. Before I do.


That's all folks,

Good night.

Ave' fun tomorrow young gan.
SiYuan at 10:42 PM

You subtly communicate to people the kind of guy you are. It's in your face, your eyes and body language. Keep your value for your own, it doesn't change because you're in a new situation with new people- don't change your subcommunication, always give yourself permission to be the same person. You are static, not a roller coaster of emotions and value. High value has a lot to do with consistency, recognizing value in others, appreciating it- and maintaining your own while continuing the interaction. When trying to "figure out" what to say next, have you ever just listened to what was being said..? Sex will come, it is alway there, hanging in the air. Hanging out after the club is natural, her following your lead is natural, sex is natural. Be a dude with standards for behavior, be social, be relaxed without feeling a pressure to perform, this shit will come.

I didnt write this, wish I did. How true it is.


That's all folks

Good night
SiYuan at 4:53 PM

Monday, September 07, 2009

If anything I detested more in the world at a point, it would be garlic. If only there was handy dandy Eclipse or Impact, then again $4 worth of mints better be good.

Or not.


That's all folks

Good Night
SiYuan at 12:27 PM

Friday, September 04, 2009

Emotions, often we tag them with things we feel, be it joy, anger, frustration, melancholy or indifference. We tag them with people, such as women. We associate them to be the driving force, and the killing blow to our passions hopes and dreams. Indeed they are the building blocks of such verves. Yes indeed.

We must look at Emotions, and learn to grow and accept them as part of our brain's way of conversing with us. When you feel a deep growling feeling inside your stomach, it is its way of communicating with you. So too, emotions with brains. Subconsciously, we are geniuses inside. Our subconscious is able to foresee and analyse things that would otherwise bog down our minute conscious brain. When you're in red mist, it's probably a feeling that someone or something has stepped into your comfort zone for too long and too painful, that you feel the need to throw out the wordbombs.

I am a victim of emotive actions, no longer. They drive me, they guide me, I understand them.

Then again, no go, cowgirl. Confounding charms give the wayward directions to my mind. I have sobered up since then. I was overwhelmed in my buildup of the last post, that I misinterpreted it for such dangerous thoughts and feelings. Halfway through my poem, it reminds me of that one I did her. Roses are red, violets are blue. Hahaha such comedy gold last forever. But yes, I can't and I won't. It's two years, long and hard. Its not going to happen, I need some self-control. Someone rein in the studs! >if you do make the first move though..





That's all folks,

Good night 
SiYuan at 2:42 PM

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

I think sometimes I'm not really myself. It's as if something has taken over me temporarily and transformed me for a short period of time, making me a modern day Jekyll and Hyde. Which is true sometimes, because I ponder as I'm about to slumber (after all the phone calls), what the hell was I thinking or doing?

It's strange how this Hyde would come out only in the presence of some, it's almost like my potion comes deep in my mind, I'm a chameleon which adapts to presence. Now the strange occurence being, I actually love being Hyde more than what I do for Jekyll. It seems that, that's really whom I want to be! Is it true now that we all harbour our inner demons, that we're all made and prepped to sin?

Talking about sin, I recently caught a rather old and controversial movie by Mel Gibson, Passion of the Christ. I must say, I couldnt sit straight throughout the 2 hours, and sweat drops started forming in my eyes. Strange place for a condensation of saline! Right after the movie, I felt extremely remorseful and did a google search on "I'm sorry", which made me feel worser inside. Now dont' get me wrong, by feeling worse it actually made me better after some thinking and an epiphany. oh God.


oh God.

That's all folks

Good Day.
SiYuan at 6:23 PM