deep thoughts
Let me think of something witty first.

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Saturday, January 16, 2010

I had a sudden outburst of emotions out of nowhere. It just happened. Something very trivial, got me very annoyed. Annoyingly annoying annoyed. Perhaps I havent' been very honest with myself, instead of letting them flow by me, I've always been damming them, and this trickle of emotion tells me I'm overflowing.

It's time for you to be authentic.

Being true to who you are, even when everyone else wants you to be someone else. That doesn't mean you don't have to play fair or conduct yourself in a respectful manner. But it's a lot harder to become the best you can be when you're focused on trying to be the best version of someone else. There's nothing authentic in that, and if it's not authentic, then it's not going to last.

That's all folks

Good night~

SiYuan at 1:13 AM

Sunday, December 27, 2009

I came in to this with full intent. It's not always my habit to be posting FRs on my blog, never done so actually. Not that it could count as an FR. Probably an anti-FR? A'way here goes.

I came in to this with full intent, I knew it would be hellish. After 2 years of "game", some habits are really unshakable. Fortunately, someone was there to make a bet with me before I left. And I never lose bets. I've got to try it, anyway.

Most of it's hazy, some even oddly blank. My dreams and mixed with reality, bit of what happens everyday. I know I did something against my core instinct, against the inner voice in my head. Almost everything I did was another hurling blow to my intrinsic avatar. I did my best rendition of a chode, actively pushing all signs: lousy body language, trying for rapport tonality, dousing flames that started. If anyone could get attracted to that, it'd be the 3 eye 6 finger. It wasn't that I wasn't enticed by her. I sure as hell was. Nothing bad against her, she'd probably make good breakfast with nicely crisped toast if she wasnt lazy, and chocolates to the eye as well. I would again, now that we're hopefully deep into friendzone,  I can let loose the shackles and "san-poof" here I am.

First anti-game. hehe.

That's all folks

Awesome Afternoon

SiYuan at 4:31 PM

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Crazy as gravy. Do give it a shot.

SiYuan at 8:43 PM

Read through the questions.

Can't do a shit.

H3, Scholarship? Suck on my cojones.

I'm back to sweeping floors and serving tea.


SiYuan at 9:17 AM

Monday, October 05, 2009

I ain't got no money
I ain't got no car to take you on a date
I can't even buy you flowers
But together we can be the perfect soul mates
Talk to me girl

That's all folks

Good Night

SiYuan at 9:00 PM

Thursday, September 24, 2009

ENTP: The Mad Scientist

You are charismatic, outgoing, and intelligent. You are quickwitted, clever, and genial; you typically display a highly organized, rational cognitive ability which makes you a natural scientist or inventor.

You are a creative, complex person who seeks to improve your understanding of the natural world, usually by building armored fifty-story-tall robotic monsters with iron jaws and death-ray eyes, or by creating genetically mutated plagues that spread unstoppably across the land, turning all who are contaminated into mindless zombie drones. You are less likely to want to conquer the world than to destroy it utterly, reducing it to nothing but slag and rubble--though this is often merely a side-effect of your pursuit of knowledge.

Famous Mad Scientists include Spencer Silver (the inventor of Post-It Notes), Robert Oppenheimer, and Dr. Jeckyll.



That's right, Dr Jekyll!

That's all folks

Good Night

SiYuan at 12:20 AM

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Irony isnt' it, the title. How can fecal matter, filled with e.coli and all undigested fibres, bacteria and basically everything you don't want and need be valuable? Here's how it is, value is relative. It's "intangible" in a sense, and basically like most other things is only there because you place it there. Regardless, let's go into details, and break this shit down.

In a school or college of thousands, no doubt you'll have a variety and diversity of different creatures, and in a certain way, most of them, though with different physical emblems and features, more or less behave in the same pattern expected of them. Then, you'll have the bad-ass. The kid which is so much of an anomaly that he/she shouldnt' be allowed existence rights in there. And theoretically, that kid should be of the least value, after all everyone's striving to live up to society's rigid standards on "who's who". That, realistically, isn't the case. By the end of the term, it'll be blatant who's laying 80% of the hens while who's at home jerking off to japanese hentai. (octopus, joel?)

You see, subconsciously, our minds place superior value to that kid, because in a way he/she possesses traits we would like to have, and the fact that he/she's his/her own man. You wont' find another person like them, much like there wouldnt be a Dillinger MKII. And none of their behaviors fall under any range known to normal, grass-eating folks. We place value on things which we want, things which others want, and things we know are few.

So, if ever you get the idea that, you are worthless and a vile cumstain on the sofa which managed to find it's way into the canal of hope, giving birth to an alien form, stop. Because like dinosaur dump, which is worth quite a bit right now actually, you are valuable, a nimbus of riches and gold if you allow yourself to. Because really, your life revolves around obsession about what others think about you. When you’re 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you. When you’re 40 you learn not to worry what others think. When you’re 60 you recognize that nobody’s been thinking about you at all. They’re worrying about themselves. So break the pattern, stop wasting time.

Never, let your value be anchored to others' shifty sands, instead anchor it to the core, yourself. Stop behaving what others want you to do, stop thinking what the society wants you to think. Heck, fuck Fight Club too. Sure, "You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else." And that's only because you let yourself be dictated to be. So stop fucking around, because by the time you get the epiphany that I have, you'd be 65.

Waiting for some black text? Sly diggers. LFRN, ma cherie.

That's all folks

Good Night.

SiYuan at 6:14 PM

Monday, September 14, 2009

My friend, you were so right. I will learn to not doubt you so much again. 7 years is a lifetime.

That's all folks

Good Afternoon

SiYuan at 2:53 PM